Thanking God at Rock Bottom

Well.. this kind of time calls for a celebration. Not that I'm being ironic, it's just that I want to thank God for all the things that He has done for me instead of ranting about how harrowing my situation is right now. 

A particular kind of comfort is within reach, knowing that God is still with me even when He has gone silent for a long time. 

My past mistakes and wrong decisions might flash right in front me, but I'm learning how to forgive myself for that and move past the things that can't be undone.

Tomorrow has a lot in store for me and I know, oh yes I know, that I have God to rely on. 

His overflowing goodness and mercy will continually lead me to the right path.

Oh God, thank You. 

A Little Longer by Bethel Music

What can I do for You

What can I bring to You

What kind of song would

You like me to sing

'Cause I'll dance a

Dance for You

Pour out my love for You

What can I do for You

Beautiful King

'Cause I can't

Thank You enough

'Cause I can't

Thank You enough

What can I do for You

What can I bring to You

What kind of song would

You like me to sing

'Cause I'll dance a

Dance for You

Pour out my love for You

What can I do for You

Beautiful King

Then I hear You say

You don't have to do a thing

Simply be with me and

Let those things go

They can wait another minute

Wait this moment

Is too sweet

Please stay here with me

And love on Me a little

longer

'Cause I'm in love with you

So I'll wait here at Your feet

It's where I want to be

Your voice I'll follow

Jesus You are

Everything to me

And I'll pour out my life

Worship at Your feet

Love on You a little longer

'Cause I'm in love with You

An Open Letter To My 30-Year-Old Self

Dear 30-year-old self,

Back here, you were writing as a 23-year-old someone who just read an article from Thought Catalog and decided to make a letter for you to read after ahm 7 years? Then, poof! Suddenly, there you are. Well, hello. I don’t know the reason why you stumbled upon reading this post instead of doing some unequally important and matured errand you might surely have right there. Seriously, older self, why? Well. I suppose, you still got that blogging nerve. Ok, continue to have that.

Anyway, right now, right here, I'm writing you a letter for you to still remember the hopes that you have 7 years ago. Hmm. So, keep reading.

I hope you are not slouching any longer. Of course, because right now, I’m suffering from a horrifying back ache I couldn’t have should our younger self set some goals on maintaining a right composure. I mean, having one means everything right? You can’t go straight with life while having a crooked back and trust me; you wouldn’t want to experience this kind of torment. It’s like being burned in the fire of Mordor. I hope you’ve outgrown this situation because what the he*l?

I hope you are living your dreams with a job that you find great and tolerable. I’ve learned that it’s not really about getting what you love all the time but there must also be some glitches like loving what you have and letting go of what you cannot have. I hope that you are now contented with the things that you are doing on weekdays; that you don’t do some chores for your job on Saturdays and if you do, I hope that you are paid he*l big. But of course, I hope that amidst your contentment, there’s still that desire teamed with actions for your career enhancement. So, you planning to take a Master’s Degree now? How about that specific certification? I hope you didn’t ditch those ideas yet.

I hope that you are enjoying your free time; that you’ve started taking that tour around the country whether alone, with someone or in a group. I hope that you’re bringing with you an HD camera along with a chic hat for you to always be gorg. I hope that you are still collecting souvenirs yet much more memories of you having real fun because that’s what travelling is all about.

I hope that you are still brave on love; that no matter what happened; you still give love one and always one last chance; that you still have that faith in love, in real love, in love that God has promised you. I hope that you are learning the fact that in order to truly love someone, you must first love yourself because only then that you can give love freely to anyone else. I hope that on countless times, you’ve asked His will regarding that matter and on countless time, He’d assured you that it will be worth it. I hope that, well, aside from the fact that he’s already late, he arrived. Yes, finally. He came and makes your day a bit brighter; your mood a little lighter, hugs you whenever you’re lonely and makes you an essential part of his life just like what he is to you. I hope and I pray that you aren’t afraid anymore to give more for love’s sake because you are assured that it wouldn’t be used as a one sided advantage. I know you can give more for love, I know that you are worth it. So if it happens but I hope and hope and hope it won't, that well, he’s not there yet, just keep on praying and doing what you think is good for you. You can’t just sit around waiting for love to find you. You must move and walk and run and maybe you will stumble upon him on a mudded road with your running shoes dirty with mud and he will give you some sort of witty comment regarding your mudded running shoes and you will have that sort of clever response about muds and yeah, I’m making a mudded story here but you get my point, self. Just enjoy life first and don’t get discouraged. You might also want to listen to a Civil Wars song called To Whom It May Concern. It’s worth listening and humming and singing in the shower if you happen to have showers. So smile and do not take this thought away from you, I mean, don’t you ever dare to forget this: make God the center of a relationship and it will be worth it no matter what. Ok?

I hope that you’ve been a legit bff to somebody. Well, that bff of yours now, I hope you still have her. I hope that you will go to any lengths just to be one he*l good of a friend. You know full well who I am talking and you know that she’s worth keeping. If it happens that some sort of unreasonable reason might make you treating her like nobody, trash it. You’ve gone through a lot of that before and she has proven her worth a lot of times too and I think it’s your turn not to be so self-absorbed anymore. Fight for your friendship and you will be delighted with the results over time. And oh, it’s ok if she has lots of bffs. Don’t go freaking out and play jealous. Friendship must not be stingy, right? I hope that you are keeping up well with your high school and college bffs too. Don’t say no to their invitations if you only have reasons such as you hate the world enough to stay alone that night and you don’t want to be with people because you hate the world enough. Seriously, self, grow up. Say more yes to your workmates. Initiate. Give a little talk to some strangers. Be open and friendly but keep a good and healthy company.

I hope that you are giving your family the support they needed. Financially, of course. There’s no bad thing about bringing them pasalubongs and treating them to some fancy restaurants. I hope that you are buying them gifts. But most of all, I hope that you are still finding time to bond with them. Perhaps, you’ve been too busy with your career and your other relationship but do well remember that they are your family and your parents are no longer getting young. Spend time with them. Bring them to a healthy vacation and give them a lot of reason to feel young again. Please.

Be a good sister. Don’t be a bully or bitchy. Just be a good sister. Just so we’re clear.

I hope beyond all hopes that you are still treading the narrow path. Remember the vows you made back when you were still a teenager? You promised that you will follow Him. Definitely follow Him, passionately follow Him. I know, a lot of compromises might come and might make you want to withdraw those words that you said before but always and always think that He’s always and always there. His grace is enough so don’t lose hope. God is greater than everything, even your setbacks. You might think that you are not worthy but it’s not about you, self. Again, stop being so self-absorbed. Remember, it’s about Him. Let Him use you. Let His name be glorified always. Remind yourself when you are doing well that it is by His grace. Take off that crown and put it back to Him. Remind yourself when you are, well, not doing well, that His grace is still enough. Put off that burden and take it back to Him. I mean, you couldn’t go on life with a crooked back and a heavy heart. The reasons of such are too much slouching and waywardness. Self, be happy with a greater joy. Not with mere pleasures this world is offering. I hope, regardless of what time we are in now, that we both are smiling, at this precise moment, because we are both nodding to the fact that there will never be a joy greater than a life fully surrendered to Him. So, go on to that ministry. Find a local church community if you haven’t found one yet and be useful for His glory.

Opened a bank account already? Yes, you must. Saving money might be a struggle but what’s not to start? It’s for your own good. Invest for something good.

I hope you stopped buying cheap clothes that will only get ugly after a few laundries. I hope that you are still eating oats, drinking tea and cold coffees. There will never be us if we don’t do that cold coffee addiction so just go on with that. I hope you are still finding some time to read books, sketch and chuckle over some internet jokes. I hope that by now, your IG account is not only filled with great shots to prove your excellence in photography haha, but also with captured moments that are worth keeping and collecting.

I hope that you still have that zeal to learn something new. Don’t be rustic over old things. Explore.

And self, be nice, always. But be wise also. Stop caring about what others think because it really doesn’t matter. We know that.

I know I might be talking a lot of ideals here but that’s what I want you to remember. That’s what I want to remember when I reached 30. Make me proud, self. Keep these thoughts alive.

With lots of love and xoxo’s,

The 23-year-old you

Tree Planting Activity

I like reminiscences.

Not the kind that keeps you up late at night because you need to alter them into written words just to comply a school requirement. Your mind could crack the moment you think of a whole page that you ought to fill with specifics.

It’s not that I can totally relate.

When you reminisce, you get certain thoughts from your brain and try to pack them with much more thoughts from the same brain, of course. Upshots are oftentimes detailed memories from your past experiences together with emotions that can make you happy, sad or whatsoever. The thing is, reminiscing creates feelings that can even help you with your school requirements.

So, here are my specific reminiscences:

It was nearly eight in the morning when I arrived at our school. Our field trip was scheduled that day and the agreed terms were to arrive at the venue before 8 AM or we would walk ourselves back from where we just came from because the trip has just been taken without our beloved presence. I was truthfully glad I made it that early. Moments later, engines started and we were kilometers away from our destination. 

While riding, we made fun by chattering about lighter stuffs.

I spent most of the trip with my eyes fixed on the places we’d passed. It was relieving to notice how green Davao City is by seeing lots of trees, grasslands and mountains along the way. My lungs were freed with fresh air, well, except at frequent times during that ride, I managed inhaling large dust particles included in the air, anyway, it didn’t matter. The sight alone gave me relief which, as a matter of fact, made me hold my breath for quartered seconds.

Later, our jeep took a turn and behold, there we were, safe and alive! Ready to plant trees, not to mention our excitement to take pictures amidst nature’s most picturesque sights.

We arrived at Tamugan River, Calinan after nearly two hours. We were then guided to gather under a santol tree for the orientation. The whole event was a part of DCWD’s launching of Tamugan River Rehabilitation – a step taken by the local government in partnership with the local citizens of Davao City. 

Different speakers from local government units stepped in front to give us insights with regards to the activity.

Meeting active people such as them was motivating. It kept me away from the present norm’s response to activities of this sort which is, sadly, cold. Insights given to us were short but enough to make us commence out Tree Planting Activity. I then found myself walking through wet grassland beside Tamugan River. Earlier, we were handed seedlings of Dao and Mahogany which are varieties of trees that can absorb more water from the ground. I planted three seedlings and hoped that it will grow. Seeing the rapid flow of water from the river gave me the idea why we were planting at that place. Trees are known to help prevent floods by absorbing water. Recent calamities involving too much water everywhere, which literally means flooding, here in Davao City were quite alarming as large number of lives were affected. By planting trees beside rivers, floods can somehow be prevented at a certain time in the future.  I am just so hoping until now that my seedlings will turn to full grown trees.  My mind would have been at peace if I didn’t forget to ask one of the people involved with the program about their further steps after trees have been planted. I would be merrily relieved if they will make some follow ups.

After the tree planting activity, we gave lots of smiles as cameras were taking shots almost everywhere.

It’s great to be involved in such activities especially when pictures were taken afterwards. 

Later on, we ate our lunch at the locality’s gym where presentation relating to Water Management In Davao City was brought to us. Good to know those people are really doing their jobs.

Engines started again and we were heading home. We took different route which was the exact opposite of what we had earlier that day. The view was the same though, except for the air. It was smelly. Our Professor decided to include the route for us to know where the wastes of Davao City were dumped. My concern was in people residing near the dumpsite. They will have that foul smell for the rest of their residing days on that place. I wonder how they managed to stay there.

And the rest was history.

The clock was evident. It’s time to end my reminiscing and start reacting. All of my efforts planting those seedlings will roll to deeps if relevant thoughts would not be gained. I think, by engaging myself to such activity, I was reminded again to be a better caretaker of the environment. The lives of those seedlings aren’t planted on mere soil but in my mind as well. I can help grow a tree inside me by doing my part for the environment’s benefits, even in my own simple ways. I so hope too that the said tree will also grow and its fruits would manifest in my actions.

I’m exceedingly grateful to our Professor, Engr. Ernani Villacencio, for reminding us about how to take good care of the environment.

Home: Earth

               Sometimes I find myself musing about ideas implied in films like 2012 and laugh silently as I often concluded such thoughts were totally silly. I was quite oriented with the belief that it’s simply impossible but as I wandered through deeper understanding about what’s REALLY happening nowadays, I stumbled upon concrete proofs that Earth is drastically facing its own destruction. Studies and computations summed up in Mayan calendar couldn’t convince me still, yet supporting scientific facts and even personal experiences slowly give me goosebumps as it was obviously concluded that human race is highly responsible for it.

                Earth is slowly nailed to its said end as we, humans, are in a hurry to survive to the point that we forgot that real survival lies behind taking care of our only home. All would eventually fall to nothing if the ground to which everything stands collapsed.

                God packed us ample of reasons to wrap delight and fun out of doing our roles as caretakers of Earth. These pleasures are from greeting the early morning sun as its rays gives off specks of rainbows that make a flying flock of birds along a distant horizon technicolored to the complexity of twilight emerged from shadows cast by the moon between chunks of leaves. Even cicadas’ sound at night and dawn’s breath of fresh air hit the benefits of meeting Mother Earth. Yet, the majority of us no more linger on this lighter side of the scene. Instead, they chose to optimized possibilities to the cover up offshoots for their own expense. Soon, the paradise that was meant for us will turn to pandemonium as evil was given miles after miles to rule thousands of minds.

                Various signs of the alleged doom are evident even in newspapers as recent calamities and disasters are taking the front pages. Earthquakes, hurricanes, blizzards, wildfires, tsunamis and even landslides and floods here in the Philippines are only few to top the list. Though most of it were brought by nature itself, it can’t be denied that it was triggered by abused done by humans.

                I, for once, believe that almost everything has an end. Earth, in its glories and parodies is no exception. Humans have to develop ways to optimize the use of anything for better living while possible offshoots of it on the environment are inevitable. It’s just hard to accept that the countdown has been set faster that even the most pessimistic scientist ten years ago couldn’t predict what’s happening now. Humans aren’t limited to do what it wanted provided that any action made must be based on pondered practices or beliefs that we are liable to whatever will happen and that we can’t blame anyone but ourselves if disasters would rise higher than before.

                Constant reminders indeed are needed for us to practice steps that could help. I’m glad that I was able to attend to our class when our teacher showed us a film about Earth and its phases from perfection to degradation. I needed the insights that I had taken from the film to remind myself that I play a vital role in taking good care of Earth and that I’m not just a passerby who appears and disappear without any parts taken on the scene. I want to help, not just to free myself from the burden of human race but also to take what God has commanded upon each and every one of us - to be good care takers of Earth. Doing so would give inward joy that could be an excellent way to make the utmost worship for the Creator.

                Though the end will eventually come at a time in the future, lending my willingness to do my part is a big leap to prolong Earth’s lifespan.

PaCEkatan 2011

Of the hundreds of days you spent inside a University – all sort: good or bad, lucky or inopportune, inspiring or discouraging, bloody or extremely well darn bloody and everything in between, there’s always that ONE day which brings much frolic to your senses you couldn’t prolong to contain it anymore.

So you smiled and smiled again as that day was doubled.

There’s no wonder what the label of that doubled ONE day was as a gush of ardent wind wrapped you tightly while you ushered yourself inside the university ground. You just then knew the meaning of grandeur simply by swiveling your eyes to any horizontal distance around you. Mobs of gossiping students matched in organizational shirts below each livid faces were in front of you and were cascaded with floats of various kinds typifying every course your highly competent and prestigious college has. On your right was a crowd of loudmouthed people blabbing with their mic’s on about the recently going on hustles and bustles. A colossal five-story building stood right at your left which fosters bright-minded jacks and geeks who were starting off a hell out of fun to rock hard with the incoming games, competitions, shows and performances. The sight alone made you want to get your net phone on and tweet about how excited you were only to know it was currently trending on, er, not on twitter but at least, on the local buzz.

Behold, ‘twas the time to be jolly as the point has just been marked to commence the king of all festivals in USEP – the PaCEkatan 2011!

After you had yourself hearing impaired from the cheers and claps, you walked and passed active scenarios. You imagined of filming a music video with a rolling camera focused on you, lost in a rapid flood of people. Suddenly, a bulb was lit inside your head along with the occurrence of a certain question that deeply bothered you.

What would you be, an active partaker of the events in the mentioned fest or just a passive onlooker?

You weighed critical thoughts. No doubt it’s great fun to feel free as a viewer of the events and leave the rest of the tiring stuffs to buckle with the working committee’s belt but the real fun lies when you let yourself in and lend a helping hand like there’s no other way to live but to help, seriously. Besides, everybody wants to be a part something, especially when that something produces an upshot worth the helping and even a literal hand, seriously again.

So you made up your mind to offer yourself to the volunteering team but so it seemed that all others decoded your conclusion and rushed on selling themselves to be a part of the team too, earlier than you though. Cheers to that as you got yourself a fresh cold slushy all over your head after being hailed loser like on Glee. 

The camera lights went off and that was the time that you took your senses back from its reverie and pinned reality hard on your mind.

Then you saw a bunch of familiar faces, united on working out with something. The similarity of the scene with your imagination was overwhelming. 

You ran and kick your butt on to partake with the job. The outcome was appalling. It was a finished banner of AECES embossed from multicolored background together with the written theme – More than what meets the eye, multiplied by what contains the mind, divided by one body of unity equals ENGINEERING.